Random thoughts:

The country is financially well on its way to being in the toilet; oil is getting close to $60 per barrel; a united Europe wants to start dealing with China in a more concrete way; we’ve got record trade deficits, even with our dollar in the toilet. Our President is touring the nation selling us a pig in a poke. Our military is busy with the Iraqi quagmire, costing us lives, limbs, and lots and lots of dollars. We’ve got troubles, right?

What is Congress doing? Darn, I’m glad you asked.

For starters, they’re dealing with that enormous national problem, baseball players shooting up with steroids. Damn, that was really worrying me. Ya’ know if Barry Bonds’ shoulders got any bigger, that chap would probably explode - and gosh, is he grouchy!

If that wasn’t obscene enough, we’ve got poor Terry Schiavo down in Florida. She’s been a veggie for 15 years, chowing down through a tube. One of the idiots in Congress actually stood in the well today and announced on TV that no one had ever been allowed to die before, as she will be. Duh! Only, according to the medical experts, several hundred thousand people! The dirty lying SOB - then again, he’s a member of Congress, what was I thinking? So the same whores in Congress who are so eager to preserve the life of one brain-dead woman wouldn’t provide any consideration, a while back, for the life of the mothers who reluctantly agreed to have a dilation and extraction, aka a “partial-birth abortion.” They were only worried about the fetus. Go figure.

Then we have one of my favorite comedians, Louis Black. He was on Comedy Central’s Daily Show on Thursday night. He was commenting on Wayne LaPierre. Wonderful Wayno is the NRA president. He recently defended the policy of NOT messing with the rights of folks on the terrorist watch list to buy all the guns they want. Mr. Black said: “law enforcement officials worry people might be stocking up on weapons to use in a terrorist attack. It’s kind of cute really; terrorists think they can attack us with conventional weapons? Listen up Osama, I don’t care how long you plan, I don’t care how far you go there’s no way you can kill more Americans with your guns than we already do with our own. This is the big leagues baby!”

Really, Americans are so heavily armed that the terrorists don’t stand a chance of killing more of us than we already kill. What al-Qaeda should do is buy Colt or Smith & Wesson and cut their prices by 50% so that more lunatics could buy more handguns and more assault weapons more cheaply. Damn, AmeriKans would do the killing for them. What’s not to like?

Finally, we have my least favorite retailer, WalMart. The Department of Fatherland Security recently trumpeted the a settlement with ‘ol Wallyworld wherein they paid $11 million for employing contractors who used illegal aliens to clean their stores - entirely without their knowledge of course. $11 million for the world’s largest retailer is probably less than they spend for toilet paper each day - really.